It’s been one of those days – a nothing day. The roller-coaster BGLs started overnight and haven’t stopped. Nausea hit around 11am only to be replaced with numb lips at 3.30pm just in time for an afternoon hypo.

I hate diabetes on days like today. It makes doing just the most simple, boring tasks difficult and right now after my BGLs have lurched between 2.8 and 22.4 I feel like my head is filled with molasses and my limbs are heavy with lead. I can’t see straight and I can’t think straight.

This is when I want diabetes to bugger off. If I could pack its bag and ship it to a farm, I would. It’s days like today that the silver lining is really hard to find and I am unable to think of anything remotely useful or decent to come out of having been diagnosed with diabetes. It’s days like today that I wish I was ignorant of diabetes and had never heard of it.

This isn’t burnout. This isn’t diabetes distress. I’m generally doing fine with my diabetes at the moment – regular checks, counting carbs, remembering to bolus, paying attention to CGM alarms etc. This isn’t where I do the I’m-so-over-it-I-can’t-deal-with-this-anymore-so-I’ll-pretend-I-don’t-have-diabetes dance which is frequently followed by the head-in-the-sand tango. No, this is just a nothing day where I want to pick up my diabetes, scrunch it in a ball and throw it a long, long, long way away.

It’s for these days that the term ‘invisible illness’ was coined. I’m at work, doing all the things that are expected on a Tuesday. No one is the wiser. Except me. The days that make me feel alone and tired because I can’t hold something up and say ‘look at this – it’s why I feel crap’. These are the days – the nothing days – that it feels like diabetes wins.

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