This is the story of Hypo Boy who, when not being a superhero, is the fabulous Spike Beecroft. I’ve known Spike for quite some time, and his incredibly amusing anecdotes about his life with diabetes never fail to have me in fits of laughter. This is a classic Hypo Boy tale that has been shared many times before. Recently, it appeared again on my Facebook page, and I asked Spike to guest blog and write about it here so you could all enjoy. Take it away, Hypo Boy…
People with diabetes are super human in lots of ways. We do the little bit extra that others just can’t do. Sure it’s not flying or shooting laser beams but it is a little extraordinary, and when you’re in hypo zone, that ‘super-ness’ can overwhelm your brain and give you powers you didn’t know you had; in fact it can give you powers you don’t actually have but you become convinced they’re there. My inner and very confused superhero is Hypo-Boy.
There are a number of things we all have to do in life that are stressful. Some we can manage to avoid with very little effort, like speaking in public or getting married. One stressful occasion that is difficult to avoid is moving house. Even if you opt to stay with your parents for your life at some point they will move to avoid you.
Stress does strange things to PWD and stressful situations confuse your finely-tuned spider sense of what’s going on with your finely-tuned and gym-trained body. If you’re hypo unaware and under massive stress and your gym routine consists of only riding a bike (you’ve seen those guys – they’re all legs and bits of string from their shoulders instead of arms) then moving house is a disaster waiting to happen.
The fateful day had arrived and I’d started the long and very strenuous task of packing up the house into boxes, loading said boxes into the truck and then transporting them to their next destination. Being an engineer and a logical person with type 1, I decided to start working from the back of the house and move forward. It was a clear and concise plan that involved the placement of items in the truck with regard given to weight, size, ease of load and unload. It was a perfect plan.
Then I started moving stuff.
It was going well – I was ahead of my predetermined plan, boxes where moving, I had a rhythm, I didn’t have time to test, I stumbled occasionally due to the weight/size of the stuff I was moving, the sweat on my brow was what they talked about in VB ads. I was THE MAN.
Hypo Boy knows one thing and he knows it well – Hypo boy knows when he’s low and everyone else are retards of the highest order. In retrospect the stumbling was due to being low and not being super co-ordinated; the sweat was from being low. But I was on schedule and I do like the odd VB.
The last item to be moved from the room was a big white couch. It’s a three person couch – one of those things that’s not super heavy, but is awkward to manoeuvre. It’s really a two-person job, but Hypo Boy can convince you (and himself) of many things including that he is THE MAN and that physics and ergonomics are fantasies. And also that the fuzzy vision and misjudging the size of items is just from the stinging of man-sweat.
Hypo Boy decided that the most efficient way to manoeuvre the couch out of the room was to tip it vertically and slide it on one end through the doorway. Lifting couch vertically and sliding couch on the fabric side across floorboards couldn’t be easier. Hypo Boy’s brain knows its stuff. This was going to work. Perfectly! Or until it’s halfway through the door and perfectly jammed in the door jamb.
Whilst a couch on its side does slide nicely across a polished timber floor, a vertically arranged couch with its back facing you, jammed in a doorframe provides almost nothing to grip on and use to push either forwards or to pull back on to reverse the operation.
After a few tries at various methods to move the couch, the sudden and very real feeling of weakness that comes from realising that you’re low hit. , And I realised I was not just low, but orange-box-NOW kind of low. Hypo boy had deserted me; taking with him his strength and mental clarity and leaving me stuck in a room with no hope of escape because I’d successfully stuck a couch in the only exit.
A real feeling of fear as I desperately tried to un-jam the couch and get to the hypo fix. But when you’re really low the ability to open a Mars Bar can escape you let alone trying to move a couch! And logically working out how to move the thing is way beyond what I capable off. It was looking grim. I could see the news headlines –MAN FOUND DEAD TRAPPED IN OWN ROOM. POLICE BAFFLED.
Fortunately for all of Hypo Boy’s fans an alternative plan hatched. Maybe – just maybe – Hypo Boy’s last vestiges of power would help. Exit the room via the window! And so I did. Then the next challenge: the locked back door. Again Hypo Boy’s brilliance came through: crawl through the dog door. Hypo boy looks good in lycra, but could afford to lose a few kilos. Doggie door needed some minor attention after its use by an animal several sizes larger than the designers ever considered.
Finally the kitchen! Hypo boy could save himself!! Why Hypo Boy had packed the jelly beans first was a question for later. There were slightly stale and not so crisp Ginger nut biscuits that would have to do! Well done Hypo Boy. Well done.
Later forensic investigation would reveal that:
a) the couch was pretty well jammed in
b) trying to grab the couch on the other corner would have made the couch twist nicely and popped it out of the door allowing the move to continue, Hypo Boy is obviously VERY, VERY focused on the right side of the world.
Thank you Spike for guest posting today. Please come back again and share more of your stories!