Last week, I tweeted that I really should start a new Twitter account that tracks all the stupid things I have done (and continue to do) while having a hypo.

I’ve spent the last couple of days collating just a few of the things I have done. These are recent things. I think, perhaps, I have managed to wipe out a few memories of other stupid things I’ve done when low.

  • Stood with the fridge open, staring at juice boxes, jars of jam, and bottles of full strength soft drink for 10 minutes while eating a cucumber. Because that is the perfect way to bring up those BGLs really, really fast!
  • Sorted through M & Ms, removing the green ones that I had convinced myself would lower rather than raise my BGL. I’ve done this many times.
  • Referred to my daughter as a penis. Kind of. One day, just before we went overseas at the end of last year, I had one of those days where I just could not get my BGL above 4mmol/l. I was rushing around trying to tie up loose ends before we left. I asked the kidlet to help me with something and when she finished and I went to thank her I got a little confused. We have many nicknames for our girl. Two of my favourites are ‘Sweet Pea’ and ‘Sweetness’. In my hypo-fug, I said ‘Thank you Sweet Pea-ness’. As I wrote in the text message I sent to Aaron just after I said it: ‘Say it out loud.’ (She reminded me of this just yesterday. And then felt the need to tell my parents about it when we were visiting. Add this to the list of things that have me in the running for ‘mother of the year’.)
  • Written on the wall in the kitchen.
  • Stood at the juice aisle of the supermarket repeating ‘Drink the damn juice, Shelby.’ Go ahead and imagine the looks of the people around me.
  • Just the other day I poured my morning coffee over my jeans. While I was trying to take a mouthful. How? Really, how is this possible? My legs and my mouth are nowhere near each other!
  • Answered the phone. In Italian. If you ever call me and hear me pick up with ‘Pronto’, know that I need sugar. Stat.
  • Cried uncontrollably. Just because.
  • Laughed uncontrollably. Just because.
  • Bored a service station attendant almost to tears, gushing because I had discovered he sold green apple Mentos. The conversation went along the lines of ‘ Apple. Mentos. You have green apple Mentos. I love green apple Mentos. I’ve never seen them in Australia before – only in France. Actually, I’ve not really seen any green apple sweets in Australia. It’s not really our thing. Is it? But in France? They love it. There is green apple everything. Did you know that? Okay. I am going to buy some of these. A lot of them. All of them. Can you just sell me all of them? Whatever you’ve got – I’ll take it!’
  • Yeah, so bought about 40 tubes of green apple Mentos.
  • Had to call out to a sales assistant to help me get out of a dress I was trying on in Seed. I simply could not work out how to undo it and lift it over my head. (Thankfully, the staff at the Carlton Seed store know me well…)
  • Sat on the dog. I do this all the time when I am low. It’s as though my hypo-brain stops registering small fluffy animals as things to not sit on. Jasper now just looks at me as if to say ‘Again?’ The puppy is still indignant about it.
  • Tried to remove a just-baked cake from the oven. Without oven mitts. Didn’t end well. For my hands – or the cake for that matter, which was dropped on the floor, fell out of the (hot) tin and crumbled on the floorboards.
  • Used a whole bottle of shampoo washing my hair in the shower. I stood in the shower for over half an hour washing, rinsing, washing, rinsing, washing, rinsing, washing, rinsing until there was nothing left in the bottle. Low blood sugar = very, VERY clean hair.
  • Rearranged furniture. Because hypos sometimes (and somehow) give me superpowers, it is the right time to move a couch, or a (full) filing cabinet, or a bookshelf (no need to remove the books). And of course, there is no way that this exercise will result in a further lowering of BGLs, will it? Of course not! (Hypo boy does this too!)
  • Gotten ready to go out and left the house wearing shoes that didn’t match. In my defence, they were both black.

Thankfully, there are many things I’ve NOT done while hypo. I am pretty committed to the ‘Treat before you Tweet’ mantra and have managed to stay off social media when my (already limited) filter has the potential to go completely AWOL. I’ve said a few not-too-nice things to/about ‘wellness experts’ when not hypo; I dread to think what I’d say if I forgot to keep myself nice.

Okay – you’re turn. What are some of the things you have done whilst low? Go!

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