I am not a micro manager. In fact, with the team I managed in my previous job, I was possibly the furthest thing from a micro-manager, instead working with the team to get them in a position where they were adequately able to manage their own responsibility areas, while I gently stood in the background helping out when I needed. I was there to advocate and champion for the team as a whole, and team members individually and fly the flag of ‘hey-speak-to-people-with-diabetes-before-you-plan-things-for-us’.
However, in the last few weeks, I have become a micro manager. Not of people. Of my diabetes and the results are not good.
In fact, the results look like this photo Aaron took at some point over the long weekend.
I had been in hypo city for a while, which is not a nice, fun place to visit. It is awful and it seems that once you get there, the only accommodation is Hotel California-esqu.
I have been over-responding to every impending, suggested or even hinted at high, when I should have simply sat back and waited. Insulin takes time to work – that’s just a sucky fact. I don’t always remember to bolus before I start to eat – or ten minutes before as required at times – and sometimes the delay means that I wind up a whole lot higher than I would like before the insulin can do its thing.
I found myself low about 45 minutes after I had just eaten a huge Easter afternoon tea because I was jumping at ghosts – or rather, rising lines on my CGM – instead of waiting for the bolused insulin to do its trick and cut through the higher fat content food I’d been eating. So, I bolused some more.
Where I should have been sitting tight and being patient, I would second-guess and do something (for the sake of doing something) – and often get it wrong.
This is the other side of CGM. (Disclosures abound about how fortunate I am to have access to this tech. I know all of that. Disclosure also that I love this technology; it is amazing.) The flip side is the over-management and that is where I found myself for most of the long weekend.
Remembering my basic principles of management (whether for people or diabetes), I have spent some of this week stepping back. I’ve not jumped in. I’ve waited more to see what has happened. Watch – Listen – Learn have been the three things I tell myself before leaping in to act. I’ve stopped reacting at any upward trend, thinking about how much insulin is on board yet to do its thing; how long the food I’ve eaten takes to digest and whatever other myriad factors need to be considered before giving myself more insulin.
I hate being high, so I understand why I try to avoid it. But I also hate being low. I’ve yet to find balance in diabetes, and in all honesty, I don’t think I ever will.