Yesterday, I caught up with a friend I’ve known for a number of years. Monique and I are diabetes twins, diagnosed within days of each other twenty years ago. (She suggested that we start to plan for a joint 21st next year – an idea that I immediately jumped on and have already been searching for a DJ, light show… and potentially a booze cruise. Aren’t you glad you suggested that, Mon?)

We don’t catch up enough, but when we do, I am always in awe of her. She is one of the most dynamic women I know. Years ago, she founded and ran HypoActive – a peer group for people with type 1 diabetes. She was a member of Team Type 1 (a cycling team made up exclusively of people with type1) and competed in the winning Race Across America team.

She has held a number of board positions, and has worked tirelessly to promote women in sport.

On top of all this she is raising two daughters to be the leaders of the future (her kid dressed as Emmeline Pankhurst for book week this year!).

While our interests (obviously) may not mirror each other, I am constantly astounded by her commitment to the causes she supports, because she does so with the sort of no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is attitude that made her a world-class cyclist.

One of the (many) things we spoke about yesterday was parenting kids and encouraging their independence. Unsurprisingly, Monique’s girls are keen bike riders and this is their preferred mode of transport around their neighbourhood. When Mon’s older daughter started to ride to school on her own, some other local parents weren’t quite so comfortable with the display of independence and made their dissatisfaction known. (You can read Monique’s account of this experience here.)

I spoke about how my kid gets to school (less inclined to get on a bike, more inclined to get on a tram and try to not get stepped on as she has her nose in a book and ignores everyone). I mentioned how I thought that when she started at her new school I’d be driving her most days, but she decided after day one that she wanted to get on the tram with her friends, letting me know loud and clear that her independence was not to be stifled by a mum wanting company on the morning commute.

Teaching our kids independence is a double edged sword for us parents. Of course we know intrinsically that it is important; but we also want to somehow coddle them and protect them from all the real and imaginary threats that are often far larger in our own minds than in reality.

But actually, the two aren’t necessarily at odds with each other. In fact, when we teach our kids independence and allow them freedom, we are actually making great efforts to keep them safe.

It’s not always easy to join those dots, but surely if we are confident with the way that we are parenting, and trust the rules, guidelines and instructions we put in place, we should be able to see how we’ve done everything we can to keep our kids out of harm’s way.

Sure – critics of this thinking may say that it’s not our kids we should be worried about, it’s others who may do them harm. But these worries should be part of the conversations we have in our endeavours to develop their independence.

If we trust ourselves and the job we’ve done, we should feel confident to step back and trust our kids to safely take on more and more responsibility, even if letting go and relinquishing some control can be difficult.

Monique and I then spoke about these same principles in terms of diabetes (and I’m sure healthcare in general) and how some HCPs struggle with losing control of how people with diabetes manage their own diabetes.

In the same way that we need to trust and have confidence our parenting, HCPs need to trust their education efforts, feeling confident that they have set out the principles of effective diabetes management, and providing PWD with the tools to adapt those principles to suit us and our diabetes in the way that works best.

The way we seek our independence in diabetes is to take what we are taught, and adapt it to work the right way for us – even if, sometimes, that is in direct contrast to the way our HCPs have instructed.

Perhaps that’s the real foundation of the whole idea of being ‘deliberately non-compliant’ in diabetes. Sure, we are going against what we have been told and are doing diabetes in ways that our HCPs might never recommend or even understand, but if the results we see are actually as good or even better than what is expected, then those initial teachings set us on the track for success!

My deliberate non-compliance – the very thing that the HCPs at ADATs last year prickled about – has resulted in my diabetes being the most ‘compliant’ it ever has…and, (even more importantly), me feeling better about diabetes than I ever have.

I am fully aware that a big part of my ability to go off label is because I was shown and taught the principles of diabetes by some great HCPs.  To me, this is the perfect marriage of theory and practise. The theory I have been taught has allowed me to break the rules and create ways to practically manage my diabetes that work for me. Independently.

Dinner at our place, (a few years ago now). Kerri, me, Bastian, Kyle and Monique.

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